March 8, 2008
Hello, and welcome to my blog. The journey has officially begun and before I am off with stories of new discoveries and learning I want to share what my intentions are around sharing this. The first most obvious to me is this is my means of connection. For those of you concerned, you know that I am o.k. For those of you interested in my learning that will all be here too. I am creating this because I want to help others discover a new part of themselves through what I am experiencing. I want them to know that dreams come true, as my email sign off says. So dream. I also want to practice being me. All of me, if the midst of any one of you, and everyone I meet. So often we, I, put on faces depending on the people that I meet or the circles that I am in. It’s not something that actually interests me, and I think a lot of people miss out because many of us chose to do this for many different reasons. Mine is no different than many, “What would people think”. My experience is, well, they just might think something great. Something like, “I wish I had the guts to do that”, and the reality is, we all do. Lots of people believe things happen to us. I happen to believe I make things happen. And when things don’t go the way that I think they “should”, that is a real obvious sign that I “shouldn’t” be going that way anyway. Which leads me into one of my intentions for this journey, which is to follow my gut and let it lead me exactly to the experiences I have intended to have.
When I travel I want to meet the people, enjoy the new surrounding and discover another part of me, another part of this world, another part of this universe. I know there will be lots of times I am just enjoying the beach, which happens to be one of my favorite places to be, but in those moments there too is lots to be discovered. By entering into this journal you also entered into my most intimate conversations. Sometimes these are held talking to me in my car, in my kitchen, and sometimes they even continue when there are people still around me. ( those that work with me know this). But there are conversations of discovery and feedback that are held with friends. I invite all of you to participate in this conversation and help me see those things about me and about my surrounding that I may not be seeing. And I ask that you share stories and moments in your life that matter to you. I believe that when one of us steps out of our box, it allows others to step out of theirs. The next time we see each other there is a good chance that you will know much more about me than I do about you. Know that at any moment I would far prefer to hear what matters to you, than the complaints of what we “think” gets in our way.
I went to see a Psychic not all too long ago. I was complaining about my new fingernails. I happened to say that I don’t normally complain. She then perked about and assured me that I certainly do. ( I love this feedback. ) She said, “I wouldn’t call you a whiner, but you have very high standards, and you definitely complain”. I’ve been taking note since that moment. And was not happy with what I had been discovering. I’ve always had this thing around another complaining. Whoa is me, yadda, yadda, yadda. It would make me crazy. And then I discovered I had the same symptom. At a course the participants were challenged to go through the day without one compliant. I offer the same challenge. You may realize like I did that hardly 5 minutes, less than one minute goes by without some kind of negative thought or complaint about something or someone bothering you. I was amazed. Because when I look around me I think I’m a pretty positive person. My new modo is “Find the good in it”. I believe there is always some benefit, or lesson to be learned by what is around us.
I think I am moving into lecture mode rather than discovery mode. I hope you don’t mind when I do. My thoughts ramble and within that I often find gems worth keeping.
I am going to set up my blog with different titles so that you can scan easily to the stuff you like. If you like my “discoveries and insights” look for that title. If you want “stories and adventure”, look for that title. And as I discover what other things come up and how to share them I will continue to categorize.
March 9, 2008
The nights are passing quickly. I feel excitement. I am about to venture on a one way ticket to another country. Where will I end up and what will I find. Ooh it’s exciting. Nothing like a little adventure. I keep wondering if the party scheduled for Wednesday is for me. Considering, it seems to me that no one ever tells me when we’re having a party, and it’s for Ernie, who has left us many times, and has never had a party, and it happens to be the same week I’m leaving. Or is my ego engaged because I think everything is for me. I guess it doesn’t really matter. I would hate to miss my own party though. I have prior commitments with other important people in my life. I feel complete at Supreme’s and am ready to say good-bye or so long, and till next time in other circles of my life.
And in addition to all this excitement, I still have a long list of “to do” to get done before I leave. Packing included. It’s a strange thing, I want to take as little with me as possible and at the same time I don’t want to forget anything. I don’t want to forget the important things, which to me are a scribbler to write and my tape recorder to tape. There are probably more necessary things like money and bank cards, insurance, etc…
Normally I would have the pile of ‘to takes’ all together but I don’t feel very together tonight. I have my usual struggle of choosing between promises for others and what’s important to me. Half the time I probably didn’t make the promises, other’s just assumed I would handle things, and of course I comply. Can’t figure out why I’m not heard when I’m not interested in complying. I guess I’m still wishy washy in some areas. Or maybe down deeper it’s important to me to help others also.
I look forward to the internet cafĂ©’s sharing stories and touching base with home. I look forward to the long still moments as I sit and watch what is around me. I believe there will be lots of laughs and lots of tears, as I both enjoy the amazing things and people around me, and I am reminded of the people I miss at home. I’ve always found in my life that these crossroads lead to great things. They are always at a corner where I cannot see in front of me at all. And faith will have to take me the distance. This time is very different, as I a feel the corner I am turning doesn’t hold the same grief that past corners have. This corner is harder to turn because the street that I was on was beautiful, and granted me many fabulous gifts. Although, there is a proverb that you cannot grab hold of the great gifts if your hands are full (or something to this nature). This explains my desire and fearlessness in purging and creating space. My observing and insistence in staying disconnected from life here so far this year. My experience is that when I create space, others are eager to fill it. My discipline is to choose what I want in that space. What serves me. What brings me joy. Not what other’s think brings me joy, or is helpful. Although there is lots to be said about the offering around me and how grateful I am for them. Once where I thought there was probably scarcity, there is overwhelming abundance. It is easy to collect things in our lives. But do they serve a purpose or are we somehow lying to ourselves and to others.
For as little time as I have left in this week, I went to go see the bucket list tonight. It is a show of two men dying of cancer. They created a list of all the things they wanted to do before they died, and did them. I kind of had the same experience as in September last year I wrote a Eulugy and discovered there were only two things in my life that I wanted and only one I would truly regret. One of the things I want to do is travel. And therefore so this trip was inspired. The one thing that I would regret, is not falling in love. Which leads me to another of my intentions this year. For the universe to show me what an abundance of amazing men there are in this world, and all I need to do is chose. I am learning the things that I like, and that I don’t. The things that work and the things that don’t. I finally got what a friend had told me years ago. She had been married three times, and she told me that every time she compromised. I understand. I always felt that the right one was worth waiting for. I still do. Life is filled with only so many moments. I suggest we all make the best of each one.
March 11, 2008
Today was a hectic day. Productive and not. I ended up doing a lot of work I didn’t know I had. So I feel a bit behind, and still able to complete what I need to. I simply have to allow the paperwork to fall easily and the answers to come easily and all will be fantastic. I will be able to enjoy my last few days here preparing for my trip.
I just flashed back to earlier in my day, and I think it is very interesting how I was having a conversation with another and I wasn’t picking up on what they were saying until they stopped talking and gave a look. The look I understood 100%. No questions, clear as a bell. But the conversation I wasn’t getting. It’s true what they say. Only 7% of communication is through our words, and I know how powerful words can be. Can you imagine how powerful the other 93% of our communicating ability is. Fastinating.
A very interesting thing happened today. This past week I have been wanting to get a hold of my insurance company with regards to the house to make sure that all is well. And we haven’t been able to connect. I’ve been feeling that maybe it would be best to have someone stay at the house, just for the sake of having someone there. Late this afternoon I got a call from Suze Casey, founder of Belief Re-patterningA lady in her recent Level 1, 2 and 3 intensive weekend was looking for a place to stay. So it looks like my house has a companion while I am gone.
It’s late. Much later than I thought it was. Although I feel like I could go all night and jump back into the numbers, I don’t think that would be the best idea. My experience is even though I think that right now, when I turn out the lights and relax my head on the pillow, I will be fast asleep.